"I don't want to be me!"

That were the words she cried over and over again yesterday. No matter how much we want to get some positive news, it just doesn't come.
The PICC line has been removed as it has developed a nasty infection. Those of you with some medical knowledge will know what a "staff" infection is. At least we know now what type of bug it is and it can now directly be targeted with the right antibiotics. There was also a blood cloth in her left shoulder (somewhere along the alignment of where the PICC line was) and she is in a bit of pain. Fevers are sill all over the place and her white blood cells are now so low (due to chemo) that she needs a blood transfusion most likely today. The taking of oral medication is becoming more and more difficult as her stomach is nearly empty.

Even though Saskia is going through a very rough time at the moment, even though she keeps asking "why me?" and telling us "I don't want to be me", she does understand that there is no other way.
As I wrote before, there is little immediate comfort in words if you're in so much pain. All we can do is repeat those same words in times of lesser trouble, so that it becomes a beacon of hope when she needs it most.
The bible is full of this. The bible never promises an easy, healthy and happy life. It does not preach that when you believe, all your worries are gone, all your pain is gone and that you live a long and happy life. But what it does do is give meaning to life. It gives hope. It provides for a beacon in times when you need it most.

We do not know how long Saskia has to remain in hospital for. This all depends on her fever. If she is fever free for 24 hours, she can go home. Please keep her and us in your prayers.